Dear Santa, Don’t Forget the Gardeners!

Flashback 2017

Dear Santa,

I know that this time of year, you have a mountain of gift requests to fulfill. Your elves are working overtime to prepare everything for the special evening when you travel worldwide at miracle speeds.

Rumors say when you finish your seasonal work, you leave the North Pole and return to your southern home. I heard that Mrs. Claus tends a garden there, and like you, she is generous. She plants extra rows of vegetables every year to give to the local food banks.

I want to be a good girl this year and help with the gift list, adding a few ideas for her gardening needs.

Every gardener needs the right tool for the right job, such as sharp pruners and loppers. Do you ever wonder if you should buy an anvil or a bypass pruner?

Unfortunately, anvil-style pruners have a terrible reputation. Here is the scoop. Each tool has its use in the garden. When pruning live, supple branches, Mrs. Claus needs bypass pruners. For dead, brittle wood, she needs the anvil pruners.

Bypass pruners give a clean cut on live branches. Anvil pruners work best with dry material, and anvil mechanisms mash live, flexible material. The anvil pruner’s crushing action helps splinter dry wood apart. A bypass pruner made to work with live twigs and branches exerts a lateral pressure on dry material, which warps the mechanisms, and dulls the blades.

Oh, and before I forget, the next time you have an urge to help Mrs. Claus with her pruning chores, please do not. A little elf told me that you ended up in the doghouse last summer after pruning the Missus prize roses into perfect globes.

Let me recommend a great book – Cass Turnbull’s Guide to Pruning, 3rd Edition: What, When, Where, and How to Prune for a More Beautiful Garden. Turnbull (1951-2017) lived in the Northwest. Her pruning techniques are appropriate for our region. Follow her advice, and you, too, will be an expert.

Do you remember those flowery, cotton garden gloves you gave her last Christmas? Sure, they are pretty but mostly useless in the garden. Mrs. Claus wants a hardworking glove that will last a long time.

Since the finger areas wear out fastest on a glove, select ones with reinforced fingertips; however, delicate work is difficult while wearing these gloves. Consider adding another pair of gloves to the gardener without the reinforcement. She can change gloves as needed. For durability, select only gloves with double stitching. Proper fit is important too. Wherever you purchase gloves, be sure you can exchange them if they do not fit.

Now that you are forbidden to be near Ms. Claus’s rose bushes with sharp objects, she could probably use a good pair of rose gloves. They protect her arms from thorns while she prunes.

Garden nursery gift certificates are delightful to receive! She can redeem them anytime and buy whatever she needs for her garden. You can always give shovels, rakes, and wheelbarrows, too — the practical side of giving.

The great news is that shopping at your local nursery supports local businesses. Most nurseries offer expert garden advice and care for their quality plant material. They also bring in locally grown plants suitable for the region, which in turn helps the local economy. It is a gift for your love and a gift for your community.

Many gardeners would not mind a pallet of flagstone for a creative project. Some gardeners might appreciate a dump-truck load of compost or manure to give a boost of amendments to a new garden bed. Santa, be careful with this gift. Please do not give her a dump truckload of steaming composted manure unless she specifically asks for it. Dumping that on her driveway might send her the wrong message.

Thank you, Santa, for all that you do. May I make a small request? When you finish this Christmas, will you send me a few helpers? I would not mind a few elves helping me outside with the heavy work.  

Written initially for Teashon’s “Garden Life” newspaper column in the Kitsap Weekly (December 2016).